A Bife Lesson on Being a Brit
This morning Carla suggested sunscreen.
I nodded confidently.
Years of living in Portugal.
Years of travelling through hot countries.
Years of advising visitors about life on the Alentejo Coast.
“I’ll do it soon.”
A pleasant swim.
A pleasant walk.
Two hours later we left the beach.
A pleasant lunch in Carrasqueira.
Olives arrived first, as they often do.
Followed by bread, cheese, a glass of tinto, and the comforting certainty that all was well with the world.
It wasn’t until I arrived home and removed my shirt that the truth emerged.
Standing in the mirror was a bife.
A remarkably red one.
At this point The Duke of Cork would like it noted that he removes his shirt only once every nine years, and preferably in November.
“The system has worked admirably thus far.”
The Brigadier, speaking from beneath his moustache, was less sympathetic.
“You received a direct charge from Carla.”
Mr Brush simply shook his head.
“I’ve been warning people about unnecessary exposure for years.”
The curious thing about the Alentejo Coast is that the Atlantic breeze often disguises the strength of the sun.
Visitors feel comfortable.
Comfortable becomes confident.
Confident becomes careless.
Careless becomes pink.
Pink becomes red.
Red becomes educational.
For those arriving from northern Europe, North America, or anywhere with gentler sunshine, the first few beach visits deserve a little respect.
A hat helps.
Shade helps.
A sensible sunscreen helps even more.
Factor 50 is not an admission of weakness.
It is merely an acknowledgement that the sun has more experience than you do.
By late afternoon Carla looked perfectly normal.
I looked like a cautionary tale.
As usual, she had been right.
The sun had not been patient.
And I had successfully completed my painful transformation into a fully certified Portuguese bife.
Note From The Coast
The Atlantic Breeze and Other Misunderstandings
An account of how a perfectly sensible afternoon resulted in a remarkably red bife.
The Atlantic breeze along the Alentejo Coast often makes the temperature feel cooler than it really is. Even on pleasant days around 25–28°C, UV levels can be surprisingly high, particularly between late spring and early autumn.
A hat, shade, water, and sunscreen are simple companions for a better day at the beach.
And if Carla suggests applying sunscreen, experience suggests she may be worth listening to.
“The Atlantic breeze is not the same thing as protection.
Many visitors assume that because they feel comfortable, they are safe from the sun.
The sun does not participate in this arrangement.”
“The breeze performed admirably.
The sunscreen did not attend.
And the Brit became a bife, precisely as we expected.”
“Proceed accordingly.”
— The Duke of Cork
“Even if you choose to ignore Carla’s advice yourself,
kindly apply it to the children.”
— The Brigadier
June 2026.
Ronald Wayne
Notes From The Coast & Real Estate
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